Killing happy! Kunoichi style!
by MiseRIP
Summary: Extreme OOC. The girls are sick of the guys, and realise how annoying they all are! ...They also become heartless murderers, but that's just a small detail...Yay for senseless violence!
1. Sakura

Sakura walked around Konoha silently, thinking about her past, present, future and her past again! She randomly decided that she hated Sasuke. He was a heartless bastard! Although, why it took her so long to realise that he was mean and didn't like her, we'll never know!

"So, he's hated me this whole time..." Her eyes darkened for a moment, then something in her mind snapped!

"I know! I'll kill him! everyone knows that killing helps everything. Duh."

She walked home and snatched up a crowbar, that just _happened _to be lying on her bed. Though the reason for that is secret! and could be taken as anything you like! Oh yes...

Sasuke was sitting on his bed, eating a chocolate chip cookie. However, he didn't like chocolate chips, being the enormously boring person he is! so he picked them all out and ate the plain cookie. Why couldn't he just buy a plain cookie, you ask? Who knows, Sasuke is an angsty little ...thing! So, obviously, being angsty gives him an excuse to do whatever he likes and get away with it!

There was a knock on his door and he raced to it, hoping that it was his brother, so that he could kill him! Oh yes, Sasuke was killing happy!

He opened the door and there stood a seething Sakura. He almost cared. _Almost. _

"Go away. You're annoying."

She didn't move. Didn't listen...Sasuke actually started to worry.."Sakura...Did someone hurt y--"

Sakura leapt on top of the shocked Uchiha boy and started to relentlessly beat his head in with the crowbar.

Sasuke, who had actually been screaming like a little baby, became quiet and still. Sakura continued to beat him. Blood and brains were splattered all over the place, dripping from walls to the ground. Bits of crushed bone caved in on itself.

Sakura got up and looked down at her work. She laughed, then pointed.

"Sakura..? What..happened!" Sakura spun around to meet the horrorfied gaze of Naruto. Damn, he was annoying, too!

She spun around, crow bar still in hand and whapped him across the face as hard as she could. His head went flying clean off his shoulders and landed in Sasuke's trash bin.

"SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES!" She threw her arms in the air and laughed.

"Hmmm..." She thought in a thoughtful way, "That felt good. Buy guys!" all that replied to her was the gurgle pop of what was left of Sasuke's head exploding and the sound of Naruto's body imploding. Sakura smiled. "Cool."

She skipped out of the bloodied house and never got caught. 'Cause she was female and supposedly weak and all!


	2. Hinata

Hinata goes killing happy.

Hinata was walking around the streets of Konoha, thinking about her cousin, Neji, and all the awful things he had said about her! She had stood up for him! she hated the way he was treated!... Then she realised. He deserved everything he got! "I know! I'll kill my precious little bitter Hyuuga cousin...thing!" Yes, that's a lot of adjectives right there. She was obviously suicidal. In an almost Mary-sue-ish author sort of way.

Neji was so screwed. See? Learn from this children. It's _always_ the shy and quiet ones.

This line of thinking was great for Hinata. Because obviously, if you're angry at someone, it's best to take it out on them in the most violent way possible. Working it out without violence does nothing but solve the problem in a less violent way. Using the word 'violent' in different way makes me sound cool, doesn't it? And we couldn't have Hinata solving her problems without violence! That just wouldn't be fun.

_...If only Naruto was here to watch me brutally murder my own cousin. That'd be sweeeeeeet!_

A bloodied Sakura walked past Hinata.

_Ooh. Who did _she_ kill!_

If only our poor Hinata knew. Then maybe she'd be after Sakura, rather than Neji.

"Who'd you kill Sakura?" Asked Hinata, without the usual stuttering, what if our cherry blossom suspected something!

"No one." Sakura smiled cheerfully and completely ignored the obvious lack of stuttering.

"Okay! Have a nice day! ."

"Will do, Hinata! BYE!"

Well then. Now that that was over and done with, and Sakura obviously hadn't killed anyone -- namely her childhood crush, Hinata could finish her life's quest. Which had only become her quest five minutes ago, but sounded cooler being a life's quest. Go her and her coolness.

The Hyuuga girl skipped over to Neji's house which happened to be a couple of metres from where she had been standing beforehand don't you hate it when I make really long sentences without commas or full stops?

She arrived at the front door and knocked a happy knock! There was thumping in the house, and Hinata wondered what her dear cousin must have been doing. A few seconds later there was a grunt and the door opened. Hinata gasped audibly! "Audible gasp!" she was shocked! she was surprised! she was shocked!

"Hi Neji . Why ya naked and panting as if you've run a mile?"

"That is none of your buisness, Hinata."

"Neeeeeeeeeeeeji, watcha doin'...come back and play!" came a giggling voice. It almost sounded girlish.

"Itachi! didn't I tell you to keep it down!" Hinata leaned to the side and peered inside Neji's house. Itachi was laying sprawled on the floor with sheets barely covering him.

She wondered idly why both boys were naked and slightly panting. _Hmmm...Must have been seeing who could hold their breath the longest! Although that doesn't explain why they're naked..._

"Hinata, what do you want." Hinata looked up at Neji. That was a statement. Shock.

"Oh, I just wanted to brutally murder you and bathe in your blood."

Shocked silence, although Itachi looked turned on. He smiled at Hinata in a way she wasn't entirely comfortable with, "You're hot, girlfriend!"

Hinata decided she would kill Itachi, too.

Neji was still in shock.

Hinata gentle fisted him in the face, then drew a dagger with her oposite hand. "Die, bishie woman!"

She drove the blade into her cousin's chest and it came out the other end, raining blood and guts all over the place. This of course, wouldn't usually happen, but Hinata wanted to bathe in Neji's blood, and bathe she would!

Black gunky liquid was flowing freely from the victim's chest as the Hyuuga girl wrenched her dagger free with slight dificulty. Neji fell to the ground.

"You got owned, bitch!" Hinata snapped her fingers, "Uh huh!"

Itachi ran to Hinata, tears running down his perfectly sculptured cheekbones. The girl cringed in disgust as he leapt upon her and clung, "Ew! get off me!"

She headbutted him and sent him to the ground. He clawed and sobbed! he couldn't believe that his newly found true love was doing this to him! to _Itachi._

He was so aroused right now. Despite the sobbing. Yes.

"Ewww..." Hinata was over this. She picked up a pen, randomly lying by Neji's feet and stabbed Itachi in the eyes. He screamed like a little girl. Hehe. .

"Hmmm, gonna have to do something about that, too." She pointed downstairs, and Itachi's impaled eyesockets widened.

"N-no! anything but that! the one thing that makes people think I'm a man! I wanna be a man!" He curled up in a fetal position to block Hinata, who sighed in annoyance.

She pulled a crowbar out of her belt pouch and slammed it down on his midsection, slicing him in half. Maggots that had been feeding on Itachi's rotting flesh came pouring out onto the floor, squirming their way to their newest victim. Hinata. "Ewww...Neji...you did it with a Maggot infested pretty boy! EW!"

The maggots were getting closer! one actually touched her shoe!

She screamed and went running away from the Hyuuga Neji house of maggoty doom, which burst into flames for no particular reason but to keep our Kunoichis safe!

----------------

Oooh...I got lazy, hence the crappiness, but I felt like writing, so WEEEEEEEEE!

And no, in the last chapter Sakura was not pmsy. Just because a girl goes out and randomly slaughters people doesn't mean she's pmsy. Silly person! .


	3. Ino

Ino goes killing happy!

A sigh, "That's troublesome."

"Plz lyke i want 2 go c my sasuke kun!11 lolz"

"I'm watching the clouds..."

_Maybe I should make the clouds drop on you, killing you on impact._

"Were you just thinking about killing me?"

"ov coarse not lolz" _Yes. Yes I was. _

_Or maybe I could take over his mind...and make him do it with Sasuke- kun! That's sure to be Disney material!_

"Are you sure you're not planning to pair me up with your beloved 'Sasuke- kun', so you can watch us go at it in the most kinkiest, sweatiest way?"

"Uh..." _Totally. .! _

"Oh, good. As long as you're not thinking _that."_

"ov coarse not lolz"

"You need to go back to school, and learn english. You're talking like you're on the internet." he added, muttering, "Weirdo..."

That got Ino's attention! "but we lyke dun hav ne computers in konoha or n net sooo y ohw do u kno what da net is/n how do i evn kno wat a compter us/"

Suddenly, in the most mysterious, but not so mysterious way, Ino could speak proper english again! and not just in her mind! go her! . "I hate you, you're mean. And cold. And you think girls are troublesome! That must mean you're gay!" and being the spoilt, judgemental little brat Ino is, she becomes angry! and suicidal! and angry!

"If I can't have you, no one can!" she screamed and pulled out an impossibly massive hammer from out of her top.

"Oh, crap."

"Grrr!" because I lack in knowing any better words to describe rage! and frustration! and rage! "DIE DEVIL BIRD!"

And since we all know that Shikamaru hates fighting girls, he puts up a weak fight, holding his arms up in front of him. Ino came on in a fury of swipes with the hammer, narrowly missing the boy's head, "Hey! watch it, Ino! what's your problem!"

Tears were streaming down Ino's face and she screamed, "YOU ARE! YOU AND YOUR GAY TENDENCIES!" she then whispered, and a spot light to add to the dramatic air fell upon her. Not litterally, just shining light upon her tear wracked form, "I..._loved you..."_

"Duh, I know that you were only treating me like crap, because you have deep seeded feelings for me. I've been reading Dr Phil's book. It helps everything, and tells me exactly what to do with my life, giving me no mind of my own."

Oh the horror. This was far worse than Shikamaru being gay! She had to save him now, from Dr Phil!

"I am sorry, my sweet love. But I must save you from the horror that is Dr Phil. And being a ninja, I must kill you in the most silent, bloody way possible." she then added as an after thought, "Actually, screw the silence! you can scream as much as you like!" . Take that any way you want to.

...And scream he did, as the hammer came hurtling towards him, one end spinning over the other.

...It hit him in the groin with so much power! so much speed! that he didn't even move.

...The hammer went right through him...and out the other side.

Blood! guts! testicles! sausage! went flying _everywhere_. No one was safe!

Shikamaru fell to the ground, twitching, a single perfect tear falling from his perfect face. "Why Ino..._why..?"_

"Iono, you just kinda pissed me off." She then lifted her left foot, with her special shoe on and stomped as hard as she could on her beloved's face.

Jaw was crushed as a sickening crunch of bone echoed around them. Blood welled up and leaked over the sides of what once was a perfect, if ugly, face.

The corpse suddenly jerked and Shikamaru's brain exploded with a pathetic pop! A squirt of blood from the boy's head hit Ino in the eye.

"MY EYE!" she screamed, and kicked the dead body in the side.

"Bye luffer!" She then skipped away merrily, waving to a blood stained, stuttering, running Hinata, who waved back! go me and my excessive use of adjectives and verbs!


	4. Tenten

Tenten goes killing happy!

"Lee, I said _no. _Now quit it!" Tenten sighed in annoyance, with an over excited Lee bouncing around her.

"But Tenten, you must feel the youth of springtime! you must blossom!"

"..."

He began whining, much to the displeasure of Tenten, "But Teeeeeeeeeeeeenteeeeeeeeeeeen, you must shine with the springtime of youth! you must blossom like the..."

_Blah, blah, blah. I'm going to kill him if he says it...I swear, I will rip his balls off and force feed them to him. Or maybe just stab him a lot. Stab, stab, stab!_

"...wild flower of spring!"

_Snap._

A scream sliced through the short silence, and Tenten spun a full circle before launching everyweapon on her body towards a shock Lee. He was fast, but not fast enough to beat the great weapon's master of doom! He caught two of the blades with one hand, two with the other, caught one kunai in his mouth and four with his feet. Unfortunately he couldn't grow another limb from his backsid, and so he fell to the grown, hammered down with kilos upon kilos of raw weapon weight!

Tenten stood over him with a thoughtful look on her face, "Hmm..He kinda looks like a hedgehog." She then laughed without an ounce of pity, or sorryness. Lee, who was still alive...sort of, looked up at her, his eyes filling with sorrowful tears, as opposed to those happy ones! He spat out the kunai he still held in his mouth.

"Why...Tenten? I thought we were friends...whatever I did, I'm sorry..." a choked sob.

Tenten laughed again, picked the kunai up that Lee had spat and spun it in her hand. That blabbering mouth of his had caused this trouble! again, take that however you like!

She stabbed down and drove the blade into his mouth, a spurt of blood jumping up to meet her. Lee flailed helplessly for a moment, struggling. A gurgle of denial left his throat before he slumped and became still. Still as death. Which would make sense, since he's dead and all.

Tenten took her sweet time to remove every blade from his body, loving the twitch Lee's body made when she ripped one out.

Killing someone seemed to be very satisfying! it was great stress relief.

The kunoichi kicked the body into a nearby bush, barely hidden and skipped off to meet up with Ino, Hinata and Sakura! She had such great news!

While the other chapters lasted far longer than this one, we can imagine Tenten's pain. Come on, who could be around Lee for more than a minute or so without killing him? I know I couldn't! .


	5. Temari

Temari - Kankurou

Temari goes killing happy!

Temari walked along side her brother, Kankurou. They were heading home after a rather tiring mission, which involved saving a man from a ruthless kitten, then Temari having to save her unfortunate brother -- when the kitten decided to turn on him!

"Jesus, I swear, I have _never _seen a bloody kitten that big before. The thing was vicious! vicious I say!"

"Oh well, we're nearly home. We'll clean up those cuts."

Kankurou had a number of slash marks covering his face, still bleeding...blood...that was fresh. Yes. He turned on his sister with a look of fury burning in his eyes. Not litterally, because we wouldn't want his eye balls to burst into flames. Although, that _would _be mildly amusing.

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood!" he roared and clenched his hands into fists. As opposed to clenching his hands into open palms.

"Uh..." Temari twitched in annoyance, then flicked her brother on the nose. This one small move, would cause actions that would ultimately lead to doom.

Kankurou, being the weak little cry baby I make him out to be, fell backwards from the impact of Temari flicking his nose...

...and somehow went into a backwards flip, landing ontop of a nail that was sticking out of a peice of wood. The old, rusted nail impaled the boy's eye. The eye then made an odd squishy noise and was torn apart like lettuce, which is a really bad comparison. Blood began streaming from the eye and Kankurou screamed a highpitched scream, instead of giggling like a giddy school girl. He stood up with the wood and nail still attached to his eye, and whimpered.

Temari stood stock still as her brother began begging her to help him. She backed away slowly, with her hand covering her mouth, "Oh my..."

"P-please...please...S-sister...help me!" he stumbled forwards with his arms outstretched, feeling for her.

The wood fell free from Kankurou's eye, pulling on the nail. This could have caused the nail to pull free, but instead the entire eye ball popped out of its socket. This left nothing but a hollow socket of what used to be his right eye. A single trail of blood flowed from the corner of the skin and Temari looked away in disgust, "Get away from me, you freak!"

Kankurou couldn't understand why his sister wouldn't help him...his stomach twisted in pain, from both his missing eyeball and from his sister looking at him that way. He still had an eye left, after all!

He stumbled and felt his stomach drop. This wasn't going to be fun. He fell and began rolling down a steep hill...which just happened to be covered with wood...which was covered in rusted nails. Ooh.

With each roll, his fingers would get caught on the sharp objects, and they'd dig into his fingernails, ripping them off one at a time. With the initial sting the fingertips suffered from the lack of nail, came the gutwrenching agony...when Kankurou realised that not only had his nails been ripped off, but his fingers, too!

By the time he reached a muddy hole that had been waiting for him, at the end of the hill, he had been impaled by nails all over! and as they fell out, little waterfalls of blood squirted from the holes!

He laid in the mud with his mouth half open, until he realised that he was inhaling wet dirt. He choked and gagged, but swallowed a few things that squirmed in his throat on the way down.

He frowned and shudder softly, thinking, _Wha...?_

Kankurou then felt an odd pressure against his chest, like something was trying to get out. His eyes widened and he ripped his already...ripped shirt off! he stared at his sweaty and overly hairy chest in shock! and horror! and shock!

Moving his eyes down further from his chest, as he noticed the pain moving downwards, he saw the evil.

His stomach had been eaten from the inside. His ribcage was poking out, with bits of what seemed to be flesh eating maggots dropping to the ground, where they writhed for a moment...then jumped onto his face! He screamed and flailed, trying to rip them off, but he had no fingers!

The maggots had eaten through his stomach completely and bits of remaining muscle was pouring out onto the ground before him in a mix of blood...and, well, muscle! he screamed repeatedly, trying to cover up both the hole in his body and his face. The only thing Kankurou could think of doing at this time was diving face first into the mud.

The sand ninja's body gave a quick and grotesque jerk, and he realised where those maggots had come from. Being the idiotic boy he was, he didn't realise sooner. The mud was strewn with maggots that jumped around in the clean filth. Clean filth, since mud looks filthy, but it's clean! . Oh, aren't we all learning tons today!

The maggots sensed the heat coming from the eyesocket, and though some preffered to eat from the boy's stomach, some thought it would be cool to eat his brain.

**Maggot 1:** Hey, you wanna know what'd be cool!

**Maggot 2:** Oooh...what!

**Maggot 1:** It'd be cool if we burrowed into that guy's eyesocket, ate away at the mouldy, dead skin, then ate his brain!

**Maggot 2:** Duuuuuuuude. That is _so _sweeeeeet!

**Maggot 1:** Yes. It is. Isn't it?

And while these two friendly maggots ate through the boy's eyesocket, and squirmed against his head, Kankurou got to his feet and limped around blindly. He wipped at his eyes uselessly with his cut palms and whimpered pitifully. "Sister...help!"

Temari appeared in front of him and gasped in horror. Her brother looked uglier than usual! which was rather scary.

She saw the maggots and screamed.

Kankurou heard his sister scream and panicked even more! "Get it off, get it off! Oh my god, get it off!"

"Ok! just calm down! CALM DOWN!"

Temari set her fan down and whipped out a kunai from her ear. Yes.

"Okay, hold still, I'm going to flick them off!"

Yeah, 'cause that'd help the hole in his stomach which was bleeding muscle, veins and skin all over the ground. It was also bleeding blood, but I figured that'd be obvious. And why Kankurou hadn't died yet, we will never know.

Temari began flicking his eye socket to get the maggots off, but the tiny creatures persisted, and dug deeper. This earned a shriek of pain from Kankurou.

**Maggot 1: **I do believe this woman is trying to get rid of us!

**Maggot 2: **Holy soup on a stick! Dude! what'll we do, batman!

**Maggot 1: **I do believe that we'll dig deeper and more painfully than ever, my maggoty friend!

Temari screamed, when the little maggots seemed to wave what was either their heads, or their behinds in her general direction. They were taunting her! oh, the nerve!

She gripped her kunai deathly tight, and began stabbing her brother in the eye socket, completely forgetting the pain the poor boy was in.

"Hah! take that maggoty fools! no one messes with the almighty Temari, ruler of fans!...and kunais. Yes."

Temari stabbed relentlessly, non stop and relentlessly! she tore through flesh, she tore through maggots, and killed many randoms who just happened to be passing by at the wrong time. They all died.

She finally stopped, and was huffing and puffing. Her muscles ached and all she wanted to do was go home and sleep, and get her brother checked up for those cat scratches! .

What was left of Kankurou added up to half a face, ripped off its skull. There were also little pieces of chopped up body parts, lying in the mud, being devoured by the evil maggots of doom.

Temari laughed nervously and scratched the back of her head, "Oops."

Gaara suddenly, and creepily appeared next to her. His sister shivered, and stepped to the left. He remained unemotional.

The psycho sand ninja looked down upon the slaughtered body, who was once his brother. He then looked up at his sister with admiration, "Cool."


	6. Tsunade

Tsunade goes killing happy!

This'll be the last chapter, and it will be short. I've started a new story about Inuyasha ...that and I can't think of any other ways to kill someone. XD I'm getting lazy, too. Which usually happens. Hope this story made you laugh as madly as it did, me. . ;

Tsunade sat in her office, silently, for if it wasn't silently she'd be speaking, or tapping her foot. If she was tapping her foot, it would be hitting whatever she was tapping it on, therefore making a tapping noise. Unless she was slamming her foot against whatever she was meant to be tapping on, then it would be a different noise. Which would then mean that it wouldn't be a tapping noise, taking away the whole point of her tapping her foot. Because she wouldn't be doing that! Wow, were you holding you breath the whole time you read that? I know I sure as hell did.

Suddenly! shockingly! surprisingly! Tsunade felt a disturbance in the force, by using her mad ninja-jedi powers. Of course, she didn't know what a Jedi was, but she knew it was cool. She only wished she could work out how to choke people to death with the force, like Anakin did to his girlfriend...Oops. Heads up! that was just a spoiler for the last Starwars movie, don't read it if you haven't seen it yet.

Jiraiya jumped through her open window and landed in a pose. A cool pose. A pose so cool, that it was cold and set things on fire, by being so cold. Yes.

"Hello, my love!"

"Hello, loser!"

"..."

Tsunade was feeling particularly pissy today. She just won a bet, and had all the alchohol in the world. Something was wrong. Something bad was going to happen. So bad, that it could possibly be really good for someone who's bad, therefore making something bad going to happen for good people, but something good for bad people. That would be scary. And so is my abuse of the comma key.

"I'm going to kill you."

"Eh?"

"I'm going to strip the flesh from the marrow of your bones. Then I'm going to feed your remains to your non existant family. THEN I shall laugh, laugh like I've never laughed before."

"..."

Tsunade leapt upon the frog man and smashed a bottle of sake on the edge of her desk. She then began slamming the broken bottle into the old man's face. He screamed and clawed at his face, blood running down with glass. His eyes had been torn apart and had peices of glass hanging off the edges of his eyelids.

The Hokage flipped backwards and landed in a neat stance, throwing the remains of the bottle over her shoulder. She ran forward and spun in a full circle, three times, kicking Jiraiya each time around. He went flying into a wall, where there sat a long line of hooks. He impaled himself on one and groaned.

Tsunade bit her thumb, did a few seals and slammed her hand on the ground. A giant slug appeared. A slug of doom and ...stuff that was like doom, only worse! and more impressive! though, what could be more impressive then doom. Doom is all.

"Eat him!" she screamed and pointed to the pervy man. Awww, poor Kakashi. No more pervy books for him!

The slug squelched forwards with the squelching sound and opened it's mouth...assuming a slug HAS a mouth and ate the old man. He let out one last scream before he was devoured into the fleshy goodness that is slug.

-----------------------------

The girls never got caught. In fact every women in the village realised how crappy the men were and killed them all off. The women became amazons. Amazon's are cool.

End.


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